He’s Not Too Young For You is an unusual topic, somewhat of a detour from you previous two books, Family Estrangements and Remarried with Children, both dealing with family relationships. Why the change to this topic, a rather sexy one I’d say?
I’m still dealing with relationships, albeit a narrower focus on romance between men and women. Two observations led me to this topic: too many widows and too many women on fast track careers into their 30s and 40s wh
o didn’t take the time to find a mate. Looking to a younger man broadens the field of eligibles for all these women.
Aren’t men programmed to want younger women who are not as smart or accomplished as they are?
No, emphatically no, to both points.
During research about this
topic, not one man had a negative comment about dating older women. Most said, “A woman’s age doesn’t matter. It’s the person.” In fact, in describing what kind of woman they were looking for, almost all men on these sites put an age range wide enough to include women as much as ten years older than they were.
Going to the next point of smart and accomplished women, we can look at the 2006 Current Population Survey of 50,000 households. The results show women who have graduate degrees or top salaries are more likely to marry than their less accomplished sisters. In addition, recent research published in The American Journal of Sociology found that men are more attracted to high achieving women. Based on interpersonal relationships in 60 communities nationwide, the study concluded that women in positions of power are sexier to men than more subordinate women. HELLO!
Is this a new trend or a passing fad?
It’s a hot new trend started, where else, but, in Hollywood. Is it a passing fad? Probably not because of the demographics, namely too many widows and women in their 30s and 40s still unattached but wanting a mate. Demi Moore, Catherine Deneuve, Sharon Stone, Susan Sarandon, Tina Turner, Jacqueline Bissett, Goldie Hawn, Joan Collins, Julianne Moore, Halle Berry, Madonna, are just some of the Tinsel Town ladies who come to mind as the trend setters. All of these women are in marriages or relationships with men considerably younger than they are. For many women, not just celebrities, the allure never fades. A healthy life style offers affords more stamina and stronger libidos than people of their ages in previous generations. Unless there’s a dramatic shift that I can’t foresee, I believe this is not a passing fad but rather a growing trend.
What reasons did men give for preferring older women?
The most prevalent reasons given were the woman’s confidence, style, and experience. Many said they liked that the older woman knew what she wanted and how to get it. One man described himself as young, footloose and disposable until he met a woman ten years older who saw in him what he could become. “When I first met her at a toney event, I recognized the steely glint in her gaze that said, ‘you’re for me.’ I was more than happy to accommodate.”
We know how visual men are. Were looks paramount to men in deciding to ask an older woman out on a date?
Though many women may fuss and fret over ageing, a cool, confident guy simply doesn’t care. They see mature beauty in women who inhabit their bodies comfortably. In them, the physical and the intellectual combine to a genuinely sexy effect.
The term “cougars” is used to
describe the women who go for
young men. Is that the
audience you mean?
The word “cougar” colloquially defines a typically professional woman, attractive, and financially independent who actively seeks young men at bars, on the Internet, and at the workplace. Many of these women have been through a rough divorce and want the carefree pleasures of a young single man. I intend a much wider audience of women who are being demographically shut out of the dating pool because of widowhood or because men of their age are already married or gay. Most of these women would not fit the cougar definition.
Did you have any kind of epiphany after doing the research for this topic?
Most definitely. I came to believe that women have been under a wrong impression that aging detracts from their sexual magnetism, and that their options are steadily diminishing. They are mistaken. Today’s younger men are attracted to older women, finding them sexier than younger women who have not yet developed their sophistication and self assurance.
Is there anything you learned that was surprising, either for good or bad?
I did. I learned that there is an enormous male population surfing the Internet looking for extramarital relationships, and not exclusively for sex, though that is certainly a part of it. Most of these men have been so forthright and open in explaining why they are looking. The anonymity offered by the
dating sites allows for real candor. In too many cases, these men feel disconnected, unwanted, frustrated, and lonely. One put it quite succinctly: “I’m just a paycheck in my own home.” Too many of the marriages had gone stale, probably for both spouses. Most of these men continue to remain in the marriage for the sake of their children while fulfilling themselves with either actual or virtual affairs. I’m sure some of these marriages can be revived, but not all of them.
